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Understanding Relationship Dynamics: Exercise

Andrijana Ristić

Mindfulness trainer “IN-ME”,
NLP trainer IN – NLP (Germany),
IANLP (Switzerland), SANLP (Serbia), Professional Coach ICI Berlin, Wing wave® Coach ISO Certified, Neuro-linguistic coach, Practitioner of Quantum Harmonization, Autogenic Training, 
A katathym-imaginative approach to the unconscious, Bars and MTVSS techniques.

Many of us enter romantic relationships with great expectations of an ideal love, a perfect everlasting harmony (like in a fairy tale about the happy life of a princess and prince), and our ideas of what an ideal partner is.

Nevertheless, the infatuation during which we are in seventh heaven, induced by the hormones of love and eternal happiness, usually has an “expiration period” that sometimes ranges from a few months to a few years.

In any case, sooner or later we become aware, that is, we start thinking more clearly and we look at our partners from a different perspective. Then we ask ourselves how it is possible that we could not see all those flaws at the beginning, that is, how we were not aware of them. Probably because of our great desire to believe in the illusion of a perfect love and what it should look like… we overlooked a lot.

Ah, it is what it is. If this story happens to us over and over again, we might realize that there is actually a sort of “door” in us and that we have the key that opens the door to partner relationships.

When we become aware of this and realize that we have had enough, that we have suffered and searched enough, maybe we will decide that it is the right time to take a step forward, after all, and take a look at ourselves and recognize our expectations.

The following is an exercise useful to attain a better understanding of partner relationships and their core.

EXERCISE

  1. Take two pieces of paper and write “mother” on one and “father” on the other.

  2. Take as much time as you need and remember what you missed in your childhood from your mother and write it down (e.g., more conversations, attention, better personal boundaries…), and on the other, write down what you missed from your father (e.g., more money, hugs…etc.).

  3. Only move on to the next step after completing these lists.

  4. Once you finish both lists, now cross out the titles “mother” and “father” and instead write “partner,” then read through again.

  5. When you read it, you’ll realize that you expect the same things from a partner.

It usually happens that we expect our partners to provide us with everything we didn’t get from our parents, and then it’s not a partnership but a parent-child relationship.

In reality, what we didn’t receive from our parents, we cannot get from our partner, no matter how hard we try. We can only give it to ourselves. For example, if we lacked attention, care, we will provide it to ourselves. If we lacked money, we will try to earn it and provide ourselves with what we want. If communication was lacking, we can write a journal. Everything you seek from others, provide it to yourself first because that’s the beginning of the path to resolution and a happier life.

However, I don’t want to worry you too much; starting over and over again in love is beautiful. For me, it’s the most beautiful feeling ever, butterflies in the stomach, that sweet anticipation and passion, looks full of desire and sweet anticipation… wonderful, absolutely wonderful, and may it last forever…

I encourage you to bravely choose partners, now a little more consciously and wisely. In love, it’s best to involve both reason and heart because if we omit one of them, sooner or later, it can catch up with us.

With love,

Andrijana

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